Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Favour to ask - non stitchy!

It's a bit of a personal one this and nothing to do with stitching.  My daughter Rachael is 14 and she has been letting slip about her poor self image.  She thinks she is ugly, her hair looks like a bush, no one would ever go out with her etc.  I've told her how beautiful I think she is ("You have to say that, you're my mum!") and that she has a figure many women would be jealous of. She reckons she's a size 12-14 and I think she's an 8-10 from how clothes fit her (that's a UK8-10 or 12-14.  I think it's 4-6 or 8-10 in US sizes).

So what I am asking for is a comment on the photos below with a TRUTHFUL comment as to what you think of her. Apart from normal teenage spots etc, I think she is great!  What she doesn't seem to get is that I wouldn't tell her that if I didn't think it.  I've never been one for telling them that they are something they are not as I don't think it does them any favours in life.

She does however, need to stand up properly instead of keep slouching!!  So here is a full length photo, a closer shot and a backside one.



18 comments:

stitcheranon said...

Ah bless you sweet heart. I went to a school reunion a few years back and all these men came up to me and told me how much they fancied me...and I never had a clue! I thought I was so ugly! And, as a biologist I can tell you now, women all think they are around two sizes bigger than they are. There have been scientific experiments where women go and stand next to life size models of women which they think match their own body size. And they always go two sizes up.

Now: with age doesnt come wisdom cus I recently lost weight after having cancer and have managed to get back to a size ten: yet I couldnt bring myself to buy size ten clothes because they don't look like they will fit..so my jeans are being held up by belts rofl. If I bend over and my belt is lose people get a shocking view rofl (I know, but I am old so I get to be gross haha)

You are very pretty, and you look to be all in proportion to me. You have a lovely slim waist, good legs, def. not a size 14...far smaller than that. I will say one thing though: you need to put your shoulders back and stand tall. Be proud, be confident and when you do this because you are making yourself taller you will realise how slim you are!

Dont fall for the steriotypes in mags: they are all airbrushed. Act confident and you will find you become confident. You are gorgeous and I remember my own daughter going through the same thoughts. It will pass and when you are old and wrinkly like me (at 42 haha..ancient), you will look back and think, wow: wasnt I stunning and I never realised it....so do us a favour; realise it now and enjoy it!

Julie said...

That is one pretty girl, with a fabulous figure (I do agree with you about the slouching though!) I think this is something every teenage girl goes though at some time, I'm still going through it and I'm 48! However, your daughter has nothing to worry about, she'll be fighting them off with a stick soon! xxx

Robin said...

OMGosh! She is beautiful! Except for the standing up straight part. LOL I have one of them at home too. I am constantly gently pressing my fist between her shoulder blades to make her stand up.

You daughter needs to understand that beauty resonants from the inside. It truly does. You could have the most beautiful woman but if she is mean, shallow and vain and suddenly not much of a beauty. I am betting your daughter is just as nice as you come across in your blog. On top of that, she has an adorable little shape too. She just needs some confidence in herself and needs to remember all those film stars and models have about half a hundred people fussing over them and retouching their photos to make them look good She's looking good WITHOUT all that fuss.

My Crossstitch Place said...

Such a beautiful girl!!

Christine said...

She's a lovely girl, and has a great figure. If I had to be really picky I'd agree with others and say she needs to put her shoulders back a tiny bit, or maybe hitch up the shoulder straps of her bra a touch to lift her posture, but that really is pretty insignificant.

As professional photographers we have access to the same software as magazines use to touch up model pictures, and I can assure you they do a lot more than airbrush out the odd blemish, I don't think you would even recognise a lot of these women in real life

Annette-California said...

Sweet sweet Rachael! You are a beautiful young woman. When I saw your photo I thought, How come you can't see what we see? Most importantly true beauty really comes from your self-esteem. Another-wards, when you start loving yourself and respect yourself, you will find others will see you differently. Be proud of who you are and of your family. Once you learn this - it will be like a light will turn on inside of you and that's what we call a "Star". You will glow:) Talk to your mom and she will be your best teacher. Think of who loves you the most in the whole wide world - your parents. Your mom will always give you the best advice. Why? because she has ALL your interests at heart. So please hear your mom.
love Annette

Mii Stitch said...

Such a sweetie!!! Stand up straight & put a smile on your face: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Enjoy your teen years & you'll see, soon you'll have a lovely boyfriend... xoxx

Shirlee said...

I understand how you feel Rachael. When I was a teenager & young adult, I thought I was the ugliest thing to walk the earth. I couldn't understand why my husband married me because he was so handsome & could have his pick of any girl. Why fat, ugly me? Now, every now & then I need to go back & look for an old photo & I find one of myself & wonder why in the world I ever felt that way. I see a very pretty girl in those photos. I would love to look like her again! Rachael, many young girls feel the way you do ... even those you consider to be the prettiest, most popular girls at school. They just don't let on.

I have a soft spot for you, you know. I "knew" you when you were a little girl. You have grown up to be a lovely young lady. You have a beautiful face & figure. I know you are also a beautiful person inside. I do agree with the others ... you need to put your shoulders back & be aware of your posture. Otherwise, all is well : )

Linda said...

Rachael. You are a young beautiful girl with a great figure. Don't put yourself down. You'll soon have so many guys chasing you that you won't be able to pick just one. Stand up tall and be proud.

Linda

Brita said...

Rachael, you are making me look back 30 years to when I was your age. I'm small and have been wearing glasses almost all my life. My mother kept telling me that I looked cute, bonny, lovely, whatever. I knew I didn't - but looking at pictures dating from this time today I can't really see why I was so critical. I wasn't a beauty but then I'm glad I wasn't. Being a beauty gives you little chance to find out who you are and what you want from life because you just define yourself by your looks.

As I see it the only thing you might want to change about yourself is your posture. But then I'm much the same. My shoulders have been drooping like yours for ever and I remember my father making me stand up straight instead of slouching. I was send to have ballet lessons for years but neither this nor training jazz and modern dance later did anything about my posture. I still tend to slouch but it's become much better now that I'm a lot more confident.

As for clothes I can't say anything about sizes as they are different i Germany. What I do know is: When I prefer being comfortable and buy clothes a size bigger nobody will mind because they feel that I'm comfortable. If I wear clothes that pinch or are otherwise not comfortable people ask what's wrong. I might look "better" (which is very much in the eye of the beholder) but everybody feels that I don't think so and are not happy with my clothes.

And talking about beautiful girls, ever read Enid Blyton's St. Claire's series where a very beautiful girl called Angela joins the school because her father felt she thought too much about her looks? She was probably really beautiful outside but inside she was just selfish and lazy. Although she was admired by some she never made any real lasting friends. Remember this when you are down in the dumbs. Real beauty is who you are, not what you look like on the outside.

Hugs,
Brita

Marlene Jones said...

Rachael you look great, but as everyone else is saying, at your age it's hard to see yourself as you are. In this mad world where image is everything and most models are stick insects, and perfection is normal, but really is their perfection real, often it is airbrushed.
You have a good figure, lovely hair and are very pretty, from your mum it sounds your personality is fun, and that's the real world. Your friends will love you for who you are, and real men loves real woman.
I hope you can see from the comments, be confident, hold your head up, use your own style and enjoy your life, have fun and smile.

ricketyjo said...

Rachael, I think you look lovely. Believe me, my teenage photos were absolutely horrendous (bright pink shell suit - absolute tragedy) and yours are 1000x better! I got through it, you will too.
For the slouching, not sure if it's an option, but I have a pair of Avia toning trainers which make you walk tall as they are curved and I think they make quite a difference.
You have a beautiful face and smiling and being happy gets you far in life, so that's always good to remember too!

Jo who can't think of a clever nickname said...

I think Rachael is a lovely girl and she's got better boobs than me!! I was so flat chested as a teenager I got mistaken for a boy. Having said that, the Iron Maiden tshirt, jeans, DMs and studded denim jacket probably didn't help!

I was never fancied by the boys at school until I discovered rock music and then I was very popular because my new friends judged people by personality first. Stay true to yourself, you'll be happier in the long run.

When I used to commute to work there were alot of school children on the train, one girl was very conventionally pretty and glamorous. One day her mother got on the train too, she was about my age but looked jaded and frankly quite raddled! The tanning and hair bleaching had taken its toll in her skin and she looked rather like mutton dressed as lamb trying to be younger than she was.

Heather Cartwright said...

Rachael, you look absolutely perfect the way you are, whether you're 8-10 or 12-14! I'm 20, so since I wasn't a teenager too long ago myself, I understand how horrible and insecure you can feel about yourself as a teenager, but a little curve here and there is actually very healthy, and you have just the right amount! You're certainly not fat, or ugly, and you don't have bushy hair - just because you don't straighten the heck out of it like some girls doesn't make it bushy; it's just got life in it! You look like a healthy, beautiful young woman, and your mum is absolutely right. And the spots and whatnot are just part of being a teenager - they do go away, I promise! :)

Faith... said...

I think that she is a beautiful girl! Hopefully this is just a short phase she is going thru and she will realize that she is beautiful inside and out and she will allow that beauty to shine thru.

Sharon said...

My goodness, I just gasped at how lovely you are. Really, besides the slouching posture, you are beautiful seriously.

Jan Gartlan said...

What a gorgeous girl she is! Those head thoughts can be so destructive. Sometimes a visit to an adolescent psychologist can help change the way she thinks if she doesn't seem to pick herself up. I have 14yo daughter too and am never short of a challenge.

Rhona said...

Ah, Rachel.... I had this very conversation with my own daughter a few years ago! She felt that everyone else in high school was beautiful and confident and that she was an ugly duckling. I told her that most of these girls had insecurities too (of course she didn't believe me!)my advice to her was 'fake it till you make it'.....it was all I could think of at the time. She also had a habit of slouching!!!! Once she started pulling her shoulders back (after much nagging from me) and walking tall (basically faking that she was confident) everything started to change for her. I think people read your body language and respond to what they feel/get from you. You are a beautiful young lady - great figure, wonderful hair colour and a beautiful smile....but remember it's inner beauty that counts....and I have a feeling that you have that by the bucketful! So stand tall, pull your shoulders back and go conquer the world!